


This is What Drowning Looks Like

by Edgelord (lostlikeme)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fear Play, Internalized Misogyny, Lesbian Sex, Sexism, Water Sex, no betas we die like men, sapphic vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26291716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostlikeme/pseuds/Edgelord
Summary: Lapis teaches Jasper how to swim.
Relationships: Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	This is What Drowning Looks Like

**Author's Note:**

> _Between us two  
>  life was never a bore  
> cause we loved each other_
> 
> _like a fish loves a lure  
>  like a mop his the floor  
> til love was a chore_
> 
> _And every red flag  
>  led us further from shore  
> til all that remained_
> 
> _was the grit and the gore  
>  and the two of us keeping score  
> from a boat with no oars_
> 
> _If our love had a mantra,  
>  if our love had a core,  
> if our love had an anthem  
> It was: more, more, more_

The sun is a molten fireball trapped in the sky, and Lapis is a siren moving through the water - silken, sacred - another stupid high school senior. This is her pool, well, her family’s pool. The one Lapis has been swimming in since she had to wear floaties on her arms and flapped in the water like a bird. Now she glides on her back, stomach exposed to the sky, pale strip of skin sandwiched between two pieces of a blue bikini.

Lapis twists into an upright position before diving back down, emerging to brush wet strands of medium length blue-black hair from her face like a mermaid model in a professional photoshoot. She pedals her feet to keep her place in front of Jasper, a shark closing in for the kill. She’s hungry for something. She smiles like she can smell fear.

“Scared?” Lapis teases ruthlessly.

“You wish.” 

Jasper is the kind of bitch who burns in the sun but never wears sunblock. She’s standing in the shallow end of the pool, water up to her shins, bright red shoulder with a lingering handprint from where Lapis grabbed her moments before. Lapis tracks the motion when Jasper pulls her bleach blonde hair back in a rubber band; the skin on the back of her neck is peeling. 

“I know you invited me here because it’s the only playing field where you have the upper hand.”

Even though both Lapis and Jasper are involved in school sports, Jasper is first in their year at everything but swimming. Their competitive one-upmanship has been going on as far back as either of them can remember. Jasper wades through the water toward Lapis, one hand on the ledge.

“Oh yeah?” This time when Lapis smiles it looks more real; flirtatious instead of condescending. “So you admit I have the upper hand?”

“Never.”

Jasper splashes water in her face. She talks a lot of shit for someone clutching the perimeter of the pool like a preschooler, edging the drop-off point where her feet can’t reach the bottom. Lapis backpedals a bit, past the marker for five feet and into six, easily avoiding the spray of water. 

“Well, that’s not the only reason I invited you.”

“Oh yeah?” Jasper takes the bait; she always does. She has an ego built like a brick house. “What’s one of the other reasons?”

Lapis cuts through the water until they’re close again. There’s a tiger stripe tattoo on Jasper’s tanned arm; Lapis traces the ink on her bicep with her finger. Jasper’s breasts look perfect in the black one piece bathing suit. Beneath the water, Lapis can see the curve of her hips. When Lapis looks up, Jasper’s gaze is already on her, waiting.

“I don’t want you to look stupid on our senior field trip,” Lapis adds.

They’re supposed to go to Sea World, and Jasper has been nervous around large bodies of water since her Dad threw her in the ocean when she was four. When the only options were sink or swim, Jasper sunk like an iron wrought anchor.

“Yeah,” says Jasper, smiling knowingly. “I’m sure this is just about my reputation.”

Although Lapis and Jasper are officially broken up, until last month, they still saw each other everyday at school, and now that it’s summer, they’re still finding excuses to hang out and reminisce in a bubble of unresolved sexual tension. Swimming lessons is just one of them. 

The water parts around Lapis when she leans in, barely leaving a few inches between them. Jasper is radiating heat like a furnace, looking confident and charming and irresistibly stupid at the same time. Lapis tilts her head up, allowing the water to carry her closer, until their bellies brush through the spandex and they’re breathing the same air. 

Jasper’s nostrils flare; all she can smell is chlorine. Lapis pins her to the wall and makes eye contact up until their lips touch. It’s impossible to say who made the first move. They kiss until it starts to feel like a battle Lapis is losing, and then they stop. 

“Take my hands,” says Lapis.

Jasper swallows, taking her small hands with tapered fingertips into her own. Her nails are painted in a gradient of different shades of blue. Lapis leads Jasper one step at a time, pulling her deeper into the pool. It’s a little like a slow dance and a little like fucking.

“Move your legs like you’re riding a bike,” Lapis says.

“What?”

“You think I invited you out here just to make out? Pay attention.”

Jasper stares at her for a second while her brain struggles to come up with a retort. She makes that stupid face Lapis loves. 

“You’re the one who came onto me!”

The words die in her throat and her heart stutters. She can no longer touch the floor with her toes. Jasper dips for a second, up to the neck with water, eyes wide. She looks back over her shoulder at the edge of the pool a few feet away. Lapis squeezes her hands, pulling her back up, keeping her afloat.

“I told you to cycle your feet.”

Jasper rushes to comply, copying the movements Lapis is making beneath the clear blue water. She gets the hang of it without much trouble, managing to keep herself from sinking again while Lapis steadies her movements.

“It’s deep,” Jasper blurts.

The pool starts at a shallow three feet, getting deeper and deeper until a steep eight foot drop off in the center where Lapis is leading her. Beyond that, is a little label at the far end that reads: 12’. Jasper is trying to play it cool, but that’s the joke: she isn’t. 

“Yeah, well. My parents didn’t pay a million dollars for a guy to install a kiddie pool in our backyard.”

Jasper snorts. 

“Was it really a million dollars?”

“Fuck if I know.” Lapis comes from money for certain, though neither of them know how much. “Remember when I taught you how to float?”

How could Jasper forget? Someone from the football team pushed her in the last time Lapis had a pool party. Everyone thought she was kidding when she didn’t resurface right away. In the end, Lapis saved her ass and turned it into a teachable moment, but it hadn’t saved her self-esteem. 

“You better not let go this time.”

Lapis feels a shiver start at the top of her spine and shoot down. There’s a rush of power as she remembers the moment and connects it to the present. 

“Or what?”

Jasper digs her blunt nails into the knuckles on the back of Lapis’ hands, where their fingers are threaded. Her eyebrows point down as she regards Lapis seriously.

“The second we get out of the water I kick your ass.”

Lapis laughs. 

“Please. If you could kick my ass, I think it would have happened by now.” Before Jasper can find a comeback Lapis issues another command. “Stretch out on your stomach.”

“What?”

Jasper is taken aback by how vulnerable the command makes her feel. Why does being told what to do feel exciting? Lapis scowls. 

“What do you mean what? Which part of stretch out on your stomach is confusing? You need to float before you can swim.” 

Lapis releases her hands and Jasper dips for a few seconds before remembering how to tread water. Heart beating in her chest, Jasper does her best to assume the position without sinking, but her body is too tight and she’s breathing too hard to stay above water. It takes a couple tries but eventually Jasper remembers how, by sucking air into her lungs and laying face down like a dead fish.

“Start kicking your feet,” Lapis instructs.

Her hands have moved to Jasper’s stomach, palm up under the water to hold her up. The bottom of the black bathing suit is riding up her ass with each kick. What Lapis really wants is to touch her bare skin. She squashes the urge with a swallow.

“Okay. Now you’re gonna move your arms.”

She’s blowing through the steps pretty quick for someone with a history of water-related trauma. Something about that is pissing Lapis off. She removes her hands from Jasper’s stomach, watching as she continues to stay afloat on her own, scooping water out of the way without much trouble.

“I should join the swim team,” Jasper declares, looking triumphant. “Maybe I’ll come in first for the senior swim competition, huh?”

Jasper breathes in, dips under the water, and reemerges breathless, her long ponytail dripping against her back. Her flailing limbs splash Lapis in the face as she approaches, threading their fingers back together while she continues moving her legs below. Lapis’ anger breaks away like the ocean waves against a cliffside.

“Kiss me,” Jasper says.

She cranes her neck, leaning forward, but Lapis ducks out of the way, releasing her hands and creating space between them with a couple kicks of her pale legs. 

“You have to catch me first.”

Lapis takes off toward the deepest end, with Jasper boldly following behind her. Jasper may be new to swimming, but she’s got a lifetime of built-up stamina. They cross the pool lengthwise, summer sun beating on their backs as it rises to the highest point in the sky. 

Finally, Lapis’ back hits the far end of the pool where the water is deepest. Jasper pins her to the cold stone, one hand clutching the edge, arm outstretched, the other holding the dip in her waist. Jasper traces the curve down to her ass and back up, pulling Lapis flush to her body. Jasper can feel her breasts though the material of her bathing suit, soft and perfectly round pressed up against her.

“Gotcha.”

Their palms kiss when Jasper finds her hand beneath the water. She gives it a little squeeze, Lapis’ pinky stroking Jasper’s thigh. This time, Lapis presses their lips together, teasing Jasper’s mouth open with her tongue. They map each other out in spit while Jasper traces Lapis’ thigh. She curls one finger around the string bikini on her hips, following the hem until Lapis leans into the touch, and then she reaches behind the fabric to feel the heat blooming beneath the wiry patch of hair. 

Two thick, pushy fingers slide inside her, searching and rubbing and curling. Lapis swallows the spit in her mouth and hikes one leg up around Jasper’s hip, forcing her fingers deeper and tightening up around them with a pleased noise.

“So good,” Jasper says with a groan, grinding the knuckle of her thumb into Lapis’ clit. 

The jolt of pleasure makes Lapis kick her legs beneath the warm water. Jasper grabs Lapis’ hand and brings it to her chest, encouraging her to squeeze. Lapis slides a knee between Jasper’s legs, until she bumps her clit through the soaked, slippery crotch of her bathing suit. Jasper moans, grinding back down to create more friction as she rhythmically pets Lapis’ cunt from the inside.

They move together in the high heat of the day, with Lapis squeezing Jasper’s fingers, rocking into the heel of her palm, and Jasper, sliding back and forth on Lapis’ thigh in a trail of her own slick. It lights a fire between her legs, like two sticks rubbing together. 

Jasper is close to coming; Lapis takes a little more technique. Jasper moves her palm in circles until the little breaths Lapis is making turn into soft whimpers. 

The heat in the pit of Jasper’s stomach spreads like a forest fire, twisting toward her clit. She comes with a drawn out groan, the tendons in her thighs taut as the strings on a violin. Lapis jerks her hips, jamming her clit against the meat of Jasper’s palm a few more times before her breath catches in her throat and she comes with a jolt and a soft sound, locking up around Jasper’s fingers. 

It’s just the two of them then, breathing heavy, alone together in the yard save for a mockingbird calling from above. Lapis realizes she’s staring at the sky. She refocuses on Jasper at the sound of her voice.

“See?” she says. “I’m way better than a guy.”

Jasper retracts her fingers and brings them to her lips. Lapis twitches and scrunches up her nose when she licks them. She feels empty.

“What?”

“What?”

The problem with Jasper is sometimes the stupidest shit conceivable dribbles out of her mouth. Lapis pulls her knee from between Jasper’s legs and wipes the slick off her thigh and into the water. A breeze blows by and she feels the cold for the first time, raising goosebumps on her exposed shoulders. Undeterred by the silence, Jasper pulls her closer by her hip.

“You can do better,” she says, voice husky from making Lapis come. “I’m better.”

Jasper has always been physical but it’s never fazed her, never struck her in any real way because it’s never felt dangerous. Less like playing with fire, and more like playing with the warm wax from a lit candle. If you get hurt, it’s not like you’re going to get third degree burns. Right?

“Do you seriously think I broke up with you over a guy?”

Jasper doesn’t take any time to consider the question, she just finishes licking her fingers clean with a shrug. 

“I know you’re bi, so...”

Lapis waits for her to finish the sentence - the implication - but she doesn’t. 

“So what? I must want dick?”

Now Jasper can tell she’s pressed the wrong button.

“No! I just think if there isn’t someone else, then maybe we should, y’know…” Jasper takes a deep breath. “Get back together.”

“We shouldn’t be together just because I haven’t found anyone better.”

“Why not?” Jasper snaps. “Why else would you break up with me? We’re a perfect couple. I play football, you’re a cheerleader. It makes sense.” 

“This is exactly why!” Lapis gestures wildly, trying to make Jasper back up without success. “You don’t fucking lay off.”

Jasper leans closer still, until their breasts are pressed together and the edge of the pool wall is digging into Lapis' back. 

“But why do you even need someone else when you can have me?”

“I already told you: I don’t need anybody!”

Lapis pushes her hard, holds her breath, and slides out from between Jasper and the wall, into the depths of the pool below. From the bottom she can see Jasper’s shadow cast by the sun, and the back of her foot, wrinkled and white. She sails toward her target, grabs Jasper’s tanned ankle, and pulls her underwater.

Panic strikes Jasper’s face as she realizes the state of her own helplessness. The rubberband in her hair must have snapped, it’s fanned out all around her, floating. Lapis blinks, eyes tearing up from holding them open in the chlorinated water. Jasper kicks like a gazelle caught in the jaws of an alligator.

A sick, twisted part of Lapis doesn’t want to let go. She wants to hold her under until the light in her eyes drains out. Jasper opens her mouth, and bubbles rush out and rise to the top. Lapis releases her, propelling herself toward the surface like a torpedo. In a couple kicks of her legs there’s over six feet between them. 

Jasper breaks the surface tension with a gasp, trying to pull in air through the panic. It’s like the lessons they’d just gone over together are gone, wiped away by fear. She flounders like a drowning child; Lapis prepares herself for the inevitable and swims closer.

“I can’t breath,” Jasper says. 

Lapis looks at her and rolls her eyes. She’s never seen Jasper express such unadulterated fear, and she never expected to love it. She watches Jasper flail, and sink like an anvil as she tires herself out. It’s kind of cute.

“If you can talk, you can breathe.”

“No,” Jasper croaks. Her eyes have darkened, filled with dread. “I really can’t...breathe!”

She sinks under again before coming back up, snot dripping down her nose from inhaling too much water. At first, Lapis thinks she’s joking, but then belatedly she remembers: that stupid bitch really can’t swim

“Come on,” Lapis says, watching her closely. “Even a dog can paddle. You just scaled half the length of the pool a minute ago.”

Lapis scoots out of the way when Jasper reaches for her the first time. She resolves to intervene when Jasper’s life is actually in danger. Her arms hit the water with a big splash, and the time when she plummets into the depths below, Lapis reaches for her hand, grasping desperately at air. 

“Don’t pull on me or we’ll both drown.”

Jasper pulls her down anyway, one hand squeezing the blood from her hand, the other on Lapis’ shoulder, forcing her underwater for a brief moment. When she resurfaces, she flips her wet hair out of her face glares at Jasper, begrudgingly pulling her toward the shallow end of the pool. Jasper is breathing hard and fast, even as they wade into water that is only knee deep.

Now that they’re both standing again, crisis averted, the fear begins to ebb away, leaving Jasper feeling ridiculous. She doesn’t bother reaching for the ladder, she just places her palms face down on the ground and lifts herself out of the pool, back muscles rippling. 

“Who knew you could be such a damsel in distress.” 

Jasper furrows her brows without turning around. Lapis regards her from behind, one hand on the railing of the ladder. She stops halfway through stepping out of the water when Jasper faces her. Her long hair is sopping wet, plastered to her face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her chest is still rising and falling a little too hard. “You tried to drown me.”

Lapis scoffs as she exits the pool.

“I thought you were tough,” she says. “Man up.” 

“I’m not a man!” 

Jasper balls her hands into fists, water dripping from her hair into her fiery eyes. 

“You lead when we dance,” Lapis says expectantly.

“That’s because I’m taller.”

“Exactly.” Lapis walks briskly past Jasper and reaches for a towel hanging off the back of a chair. “You're the guy.” 

“Ugh! Why do you always have to be such a bitch?”

Lapis narrows her eyes. 

“At least I’m not clingy.”

She dries off her hair, runs the towel across her body, and ties it around her hip. Jasper stomps over and snatches the other towel off the patio table. She dries her hair with it and leaves it draped across her broad shoulders.

“Look - just because you’ve dated guys like me doesn’t make me a guy.”

Jasper moves into her personal space again, reaching for her wrist. 

“Obviously,” Lapis huffs. “They’re just jokes. I’m kidding, geeze.”

“Are you?”

Lapis shrugs. She looks away.

“I don’t know anymore.” Suddenly, she can’t meet her eyes. She tries to pull her hand away but Jasper’s grip is steady. “Maybe you’re right, and this is exactly why we shouldn’t do this.”

“What?” Jasper swallows hard. Her tongue feels like lead in her mouth. Her hand tightens around Lapis’ wrist. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, but it should be.” Lapis sneaks a look at her before averting her gaze again. “What you said is true. I could have...drowned you.”

Jasper tugs her closer.

“Yeah, but you weren’t going to.”

Lapis stares at the pool, into the depths of water. She remembers Jasper struggling to breathe, blonde hair fanned out around her like the wings of an angel. Maybe relationships aren’t so much about what you could or couldn’t do, but what you actually did. And what Lapis did was wrong.

“What makes you so sure? Maybe I’m just waiting for a better opportunity.”

Jasper frowns.

“Why do you always do that?” 

“What?” 

Lapis blinks.

“Make yourself out to be worse than you are.”

The mockingbird flies from the yard, tailing another bird through the sky. Silence settles with a sense of finality after its departure. Jasper waits for Lapis to look at her. When she does, it feels like she’s transparent. The underside of Lapis’ wrist is soft beneath Jasper’s fingers. 

“It’s like the colors of a coral snake,” Lapis explains at last. “It’s a warning.”

Jasper leans in for a goodbye kiss and thinks better of it. It’s difficult to pull away, with this much energy crackling between them, but she does it. She lets go of her wrist. Lapis licks her lips, and Jasper takes a step back, offering an awkward wave in lieu of leaning in for a hug.

She smiles sheepishly. 

“It would be stupid to get bit a third time, I guess.”


End file.
